Interview with Matilda of Tuscany

Zach – So, you’re basically what we call a “security contractor.”

Matilda – I suppose you can say that. I had my men and arms and we protected the Papal throne. Yes, we did some bodyguard business and such, but we really didn’t hire out to anybody.

Zach – What was your favorite weapon?

Matilda – Broadsword, definitely. Broadsword with a shield. I never like the spear much.

Zach – and if you were working today?

Matilda – Probably M-4’s, eotech red dot sights and plate carriers. Maybe a few with an AR-10 of somekind, maybe the Crusader Broadsword, I like the name of that one.

Zach – yes, that’s a sweet weapon. What was it like on campaign in Italy?

Matilda – Well, I love the weather in my home. Italy is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. I hear Venice is gorgeous but I’ve never been. My lands and Venice have never been on good speaking terms.

Zach – Well, while you’re here in the 21st century, you might want to stop by. It’s an amazing place.

Matilda – I just might do that.

Zach – So, what’s your favorite book?

Matilda – Generation Kill, Dead Six and Jane Eyre. Hey, I can be a girl sometimes. The new movie with Micheal Fassbender was amazing. Okay, and Pride and Prejudice, the BBC version.

Zach – What was it like on campaign?

Matilda – That part wasn’t very romantic and I can’t say I enjoyed sleeping in tents. Up in the mountains it got very cold and I had to wear extra layers under my chainmail. After a while you get used to the weight of the armor and you feel naked without a sword on your hip. In the summer it got too hot but if you wear too little, the chainmail will rub you raw. And then you had to make sure it keeps from rusting, and the food is bad and…Oh, I don’t want to sit here and complain. Anyone can get used to anything given enough time. I prefer to stay in my comfortable castles any time.

Zach – I hear you’re getting married.

Matilda – Yes, to my stepbrother. I hate him. He is a miserable wretch. But he has connections.

Zach – Very pragmatic of you.

Matilda – When you’re surrounded by enemies, even ones that claim to be your friends, you do what you must.

Zach – What’s your favorite food?

Matilda – You do ask all the hard questions, don’t you? (Laughs.) I suppose I like roasted mutton with hard bread and Olive oil…and strawberries.

Zach – When you’re not cleaving skulls what do you like to do?

Matilda – I like to read, practice my swordplay and crochet. Don’t laugh. It’s very relaxing. You should try it some time.

Zach – Maybe I will.

So, if you have any questions for Matilda, E-mail me and I’ll have her answer in a timely manner. Ask anything, don’t be afraid.

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11 comments on “Interview with Matilda of Tuscany

  1. cthulhu says:

    Where did you fight or what campaigns did you participate in? What’s your favorite music?

  2. zacharyhill says:

    Matilda – That’s a great question…how do you pronounce that name? Is that Saracen? Well, most of my battles were small skirmishes against bandits and the like, but when the German king came into Italy to depose the Pope, I had to take up arms. That was a lengthy campaign with mostly small battles and harassing maneuvers, sieges and a few pitched field battles. During the small battles I learned many lessons that I needed to survive the larger campaigns. One thin in particular is one’s kit. Where one places their equipment, what kind of equipment and how it is secured to one’s person. There’s nothing more annoying than a loose strap in the middle of a battle. The little details are what make or break a soldier some times.

    As for music? Hmmm…There’s this beautiful ballad from the Umbria region, the town of Spello I think, It’s so melencholy and serene. I love it. During my stay here I picked up what you call an “Eyepod?” Zach used this little magic broach and somehow put music into it. So far I really like “Flyleaf” and Birthday Massacre.” Also “10 Years.” His voice is so amazing.

  3. Shannon says:

    I have to say, I like Matilda. I can see her in a movie with Fassbender easily. Her choice in music? Dare I say, . . .Ick? I personally see Matilda as more of a Script, Maroon Five kind of chick. Maybe even Alanis Morisette, or Sarah Bareillas (sp). And forget Kill Bill, this girl sounds like she could take them all. Love it!

  4. Desert Rat says:

    You know, between this and the previous essay on our girl Matilda, I would totally dig this as a pen and paper role playing game. Security contractors working for a secret Church Black Ops unit, foiling wetwork plots against the Pope by Byzantine assassins, quelling riots incited by German agent-provocateurs, and fearlessly holding the Vatican against all comers.

    Add in the “bearded” and “hunchbacked” stepfather imagery and a squicky quasi-incestuous marriage (to alchemically shore up her magickal defenses against a coven of malevolent Saxon hexen, obviously), and you’ve got a dandy catalyst for some epic Shakespearean drama, battles against mythical beasts, and desperate fights to suppress foreign practitioners of dark magicks. How far would Henry IV go to regain his lost power, and why did the Church fear the practice of witchcraft so? Hmmm?

    Oh yeah. Screw D&D. Gimme some dice and a character sheet. I’m ready to play this game. :)

  5. cthulhu says:

    I would SOOOO play that RPG! Kinda like Jean D’arc. Take a real historical time period/place etc, add in fantasy elements and BAM! a kick-butt RPG.

  6. zacharyhill says:

    Desert Rat, you’re getting my gears turning for a new novel. That’s very dangerous.

    • Desert Rat says:

      It’s all part of my sneaky plot. You’re welcome. :)

      • Desert Rat says:

        Oh, and I won’t even mention the fact that Hassan ibn al-Sabbah was operating from his mountain strongholds during this timeframe, nor will I bring up the Arab and Indian alchemists turning stuff into other stuff and making themselves immortal. And I couldn’t possibly point out Pope Sylvester II and Emperor Otto III’s recent shenanigans in creating the Phantom Time Hypothesis (that is, if you believe German conspiracy theorists) so that Otto could rule as the Final Emperor during the first Millennium.

        And I really shouldn’t note that Bernard Of Clairvaux was working on the first rules for the Order of the Poor Knights of Christ and the Temple of Solomon around this time as well, because (according to Umberto Eco) the lunatics of the world can always be IDed by the fact that sooner or later they inevitably bring up the goshdarn Templars. ;)

  7. Matilda of Tuscany- Blackwater Inc. of the 10th century!

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